All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
