I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
