so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
