I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
