It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
