Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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