Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
