I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize