the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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