I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
