hotel room ftw
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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