just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
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