apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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