If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
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you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
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I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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