Swine flu. Run for my life!
he wants to bone in the snuggie
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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