omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
