I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
