just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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