drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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