just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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