we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
