New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
