READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
