I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
