k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
