Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Say something about gay babies.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Your penis caused this!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
