just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
