I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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