it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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