i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
