You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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