on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
