I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
