ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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