i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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