You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
