I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
