I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
