Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
