problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
