i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
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