Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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