I'm gonna have a badass scar
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
