so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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