if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
