party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
