Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
