How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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