So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
