I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
