just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
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she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
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I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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