dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
