dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
