D3 body, D1 cock
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
