Yo dont text me then not text me
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
