He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
