Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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