Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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