He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
