i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
