just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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