So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i wish my penis had a tongue
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
