I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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