he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
