i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
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