Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
