he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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