dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
