Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
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