Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
My feet surprised me
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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