I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
