Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
