Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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