dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
