Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
